A few troublesome weeks |14th- 24th October 2020

14th- 24th October 2020

What is even life at this point other than assignments? The reason why I used to still go on procrastinating was that I would still manage to complete my work while procrastinating, but that does not seem to be the situation now. With three assignments coming: 15th- Mid-term for caste and religion, 2000 words reflective essay on Mapping caste; 16th- Connecting the dots for Migration and the Pandemic; and 21nd- Review of Life of Galileo for Writing. 

While doing the mid-term assignment when I was 1100 words down and nearly just started connecting the dots, my laptop tried to play a game with me. Nripraj was so happy that I was there with him, he wanted to spend all his time around me and in that excitement, he flipped a glass of water on the laptop. It did not reach the keyboard that much but just a little. It completely freaked me out and Sanjaat bhaiya helped me dry it.

Normally all my files get saved to my OneDrive, but this time it tried to wait till the new update, so it did not save it. While typing my mind out, the screen boomed and shut down. Why? Why now? Why not when I was in Delhi? Jammu has the worst internet connection and neither does my jio sim work in Jammu. I managed to get send an email to Prof. Reeju and Prof. Kishalay explaining the situation and they gave me some time. Prof. Kishalay told me to submit by the 17th and weekend for the mid-term. 

I thought I could use my bhaiyas computer or laptop but they did not have anything on hand. It felt extremely stupid to the assignment on phone. Only this time, this very time I decided to make my notes for the assignment on the laptop. Life is so unexpected. I even sent the laptop to the Hp center nearby and told me it would take them 2-3 days to repair it. My Rosetta. Sweet Rosetta. Why did she do this to me at this kind of time. I wanted my mom so bad. My Bua and their kids don't understand the level of anxiousness. They are perfect kids with their perfect jobs. When I shared my issues I just received lectures of what I know about life- nothing for them. Why does one not get that everyone has their own set of problems. For them, all the problems start after getting married, before that it is all rubbish. Okay great, my anxiety and panic attacks are rubbish. It is not a big deal how often I feel like nothing, literally numb and meaningless. Maybe it isn't a big deal. 

Just when I thought my phone would be my savior it gave out too. Am I never going to survive on my own. I got back my laptop on 20th Tuesday. I was extremely scared to join the class and face Prof. Kishalay. This wasn't the first time I came in the bad image for him, it was once before when I gave my word that I will do the research for Adil Hussain for the One Story One Voice show. Again the assignment. I can't always blame the assignment for my mistakes. I felt pathetic. I told him I would submit the assignment before 10 pm and he told me he won't mark me on this. At least I sent it. 

I spent the rest of the week trying to stay calm, go through the Drama- Life of Galileo, to write a review cum opinion essay on it. With all this anxiety creeping in I did not sleep at all for 3 days (19th-20th-21st). Not once. For 21st I worked continuously for hours, did not eat anything, just kept drinking coffee. I spent the entire day of 21st on one cup of strong coffee which is the extremely gross way I drank by refilling the same with plain water the rest of the day. I again requested an extension till the 22nd morning. The third extension in two weeks. I have never submitted an assignment late. I am always at least a bit prepared before time even though I live on the thrill of doing everything at the last minute. I somehow just managed to submit it by 7 am in the morning. 

I spent the rest of the day sleeping and later wanted to go out in the evening for some shopping cause God it was getting cold there and I did not have a jacket or a sweater with me. Same for Nrip and Naren. So I went out and did some shopping. This is literally the first clothing shopping I have gone after the lockdown situation. The last I went out to buy myself a new outfit was for the fest we had at the end of February in the college. It felt good. Jammu did not seem like the world was in the middle of a pandemic. Massive crowd and traffic. 

On Friday, in Reading Images, Prof. Benson told us about the assignment coming up next week: Narratology- Analysing a film using Vladamir Propp's functions. We were told to work in groups. So, Sannjna, Meenal, Meghna, Jahnvi, and I formed a group and choose the film to do the analysis on COCO. 

Pictures during my stay at the house:

The worst things had to happen to me. I can't take care of myself anymore. On Friday night, my Blood pressure shot up 139/99- 122. As I had the assignments due next week, 28th- Narratology, 1st November- Radio Drama Script, and had to complete the very long due mid-term for caste and religion. And even the Drama review has been canceled. Many students did not submit and the one who did got the idea of the assignment wrong. So we have to write an opinion piece from three choices which are: The promotion of scientific temper in our country/ The involvement of students in political movements/ The right to marry for love. I am going to go with the first one. I booked myself a ticket back home for the 25th of October at around 3:30 pm. I look forward to seeing the new house and finally be home.